Stressful life

This is one of those posts that I'm not sure I should share.  Yet, I want it saved as a memory.  I don't want to sound like I need pity, because I don't.  I'm just trying to put a realistic view on what goes on in my head and heart on a typical day these last months.
I've told Matt that I find it stressful living here.  I often feel like I carry the weight of every lost friend, every lonely recess, every Friday after school watching 'all' the other kids have sleepovers leaving school, every soccer game loss, etc. I know I shouldn't, but being a parent is really like having your heart beat outside your body.  Someone told me that once, and it is so true.  There have been many tears in this house.  Anika struggles anytime something is new.  She cried for hours before softball camp the first day and by the last day had decided she wanted to try out for the team.  Jessica had alligator tears over a lost bracelet from a friend in MN. (Olivia - she let a friend take her plastic braided one from you home, and never got it back)
But then we jump in the waves at Lake MI (serious fun) and I watch Maria get over the fear of putting her face in the water, or read to me - really read, and its like you get filled all up.
I describe what goes on in my heart as constantly having the feeling like I'm going to cry just below the surface.  You know the knot high in your heart, or low in your throat, and you never know what is going to set it off.  Sometimes there isn't necessarily a trigger, just a memory, and out it gushes.
I read a devotional the other day about God's timing and our patience. The best line was 'Heaven is not in a panic.' It made me smile and laugh out loud.  I tried to imagine God and the angels getting into a tizzy the way I do, or the kids do, over the basics of life.  If the Heavenly Father feeds the sparrows, how much more will he care for me.  Brandon said on the beach the other day, 'I never understood that verse in the Bible about God and the grains of sand, until we moved here.  Can you imagine how many grains of sand there are on this beach?" It was priceless.
Part of the stress had to do with parts of life here.  We actually had talked to our realtor to say if she came across someone that wanted a house like ours, to go ahead and bring them to see it. We were willing to sell. It would remove some stress if we could buy a foreclosure with cash and not have a house payment to keep up with.  Well, God in his good timing took care of that one, too.  I have been offered a job with the local airline here.  Nothing is set in stone yet, and I won't be making much, but hopefully we can keep the lights on at 5155 for awhile longer! =)  When we found this house, I actually said it would be great to work at the airport. Its SUPER close and free flights to MN aren't a bad perk.  Again, we have to see how it all plays out. I have to pass three tests before the job is officially mine, so nothing is for sure for awhile.  The trick is the schedule.  I may have to work on Sunday, I have to train for 1 week periods in Denver, CO, and I don't get time off for awhile - which makes the trip back to IA and MN in August less likely - not impossible - just less likely.  You take the good, you take the bad,.....the facts of life.  How many are singing that song right now!?