Church Retreat

Anika went off to her first church retreat.  Really, her first weekend away from home alone.  She has always been a bit of a home body.  There are less than 10 houses she has slept in without me being there and for years it was only three - her two best friends and grandpa and grandma's.  She did manage a few over nighters with the GEMS at church.  I'm still holding out hope for Bible Camp someday, but we'll see.
So, she went off to a camp called Grace Adventures.  It promised much fun - but most of it was promised if there was snow - and there wasn't any.  They managed to still find lots of fun things to do.  She went horseback riding, played a game similar to paintball or airsoft (she wasn't so impressed with the welts, but enjoyed the game), had many stories to tell about the speaker, the cabins, the pranks, etc.  Actually, her coming home reminded me of when Matt came home from Middle School retreats and events. BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS.  I was quite ready for her to go somewhere and relax for a bit.  But the crash does come when one is so tired, oh joy!
She was SOOOOO excited to go.  She had been packed for over a week - which, with the whole head lice thing was perfect - her bag was packed and anything that had been alive when it went in, wouldn't be when she took it out!
When it came time to leave she had three bags, a sleeping bag and a blanket.  It was her father's worst nightmare - he now had one of those girls who packed the whole house for two nights away.  Matt dropped her off and talked with the youth director.  Matt and I have had a theory for years.  Parents whose first born is a daughter have LOTS of questions.  Parents with an oldest child as a sixth grader have LOTS of questions. Knowing these two things, Matt and I deliberately have not asked any questions.  Quite honestly, I had no idea where she was going or how she was getting there.  I knew when to drop her off and when to pick her up and from Anika, I knew a few of the other people that would be there.
All the kids gave her a hug.  Brandon was quite sad and told her he would miss her.  Her being gone meant he had to sleep in his bedroom alone - something I don't think he has ever done.  Later that evening, I realized I missed her, too.  I like it when all the kids are down for the night - for many reasons, the first of which is peace and quiet - but I realized that night that I like knowing we are all together and safe.  With Anika missing, I had no idea if she was sad, missing home, having a great time, safe or not and I didn't like it.  I wanted her home.  The peace part of the peace and quiet was missing.  I had that feeling a bit whenever she was with a friend, but when my kids are with friends, I LOVE that they are experiencing something I can never give them.  There are so many people in their lives that love up on them, and I love that they have those relationships.
But I also realized she is growing up, and so beautifully.  And my job as a mom is to make sure she can leave  knowing that home is some place she can always come back to.  Being a mom is the only job you are intentionally working yourself out of.  I am trying to raise her to leave. Truthfully, I'm looking forward to the time Matt and I are back to just us and all the travel we will do.  Notice I said WILL do.  Positive Mental Attitude! =)  But, I'm not looking forward to it coming so fast that I wish away today and all the milestones that come with it.  I have a large list of travel plans though, and some don't even include Matt!
There is a children's book by Karen Kingsbury called 'Let Me Hold You Longer'.  I cry every time I read it. Its all about how, we as parents mark down the 'firsts' of our children's lives... first tooth, crawl, walk, day of school, etc..... but how much more special are the 'lasts'.  The last time they run to you and jump in your arms.  The last time they want a hug before going to school.  The last time they fall asleep in your arms. The last nap they take as a toddler.  Wouldn't it be great to know when it was the last.... and you would hold them a little longer?
Anika going on a retreat was definitely a 'first' but it made me realize once again, how quickly the 'lasts' are passing me by and how much I love being her mom.